"Gather in your resources, rally all your faculties, marshal all your energies, focus all your capacities upon mastery of at least one field of endeavor."

"Common sense and sense of humor are the same thing moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."

"The shortest distance between two points is not a very interesting journey."

"A divine falsehood is more powerful than any human truth."

"What we say and what we do ultimately comes back to us so let us own our responsibility, place it in our hands, and carry it with dignity and strength."

"Ya know, if you treated every comic the way you treated me tonight. You would never see a bad show."

"What men call good fellowship is commonly but the virtue of pigs in a litter which lie close together to keep each other warm."

"Life always sucks. It's just that sometimes that feels very good."

"When in doubt, use brute force"

"The cowards never start and the weak die along the way."

"Prima la musica, poi le parole (first the music, then the words)"

"Each bird loves to hear himself sing."