"Never get married while you're going to college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake."

"Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation."

"Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while."

"Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune."

"The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket."

"No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish."

"Everything you see I owe to spaghetti."

"Discretion is the better part of valor."

"Be bold. If you're going to make an error, make it a doozy."

"You can't help someone get up a hill without getting closer to the top yourself."

"Saint, noun. A dead sinner revised and edited."

"For an idea ever to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned."